Destiny's Calling

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Do You Make Time to Play?

I have been getting a pull in my heart/mind/spirit to DO less and BE more. That’s sounds like a contradiction, right? We are supposed to be doing MORE, not less! At least that’s what my “To-Do” list tells me every weekend. We keep putting things off, adding them to our mental to-do list and eventually it becomes a pressing issue that we need to DO the items on the list. I know this is a common struggle for most of us. Can you relate?

But this pull says to me, “Wait. When was the last time you just did something for fun? With no agenda, no to-do list, just enjoying the moment.”

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

As kids we have lots of “downtime” and very little on our to-do list. Especially in the summer when school is out, we envy children who have time to just watch the clouds go by, looking for funny faces and animals. We’re too busy to even notice the clouds on our commute.

Research shows that adults that take time to “play” experience more energy, more creativity and a better mood overall. It also contributes to better health and a sense of well being.

How do you find time to play?

Block out a 4 hour period during one of your day’s off. Don’t schedule anything. Turn off your phone, computer, tablet, television and any other media device. Do nothing. Let yourself get bored and then see what ideas come to you naturally. Boredom is a GREAT foundation for creative play. Then just follow your heart – whatever comes to you, DO IT!

This downtime will really recharge your soul. Some people enjoy it so much that they make it a regular habit. In the past when I had a really stressful job, I would block out my entire Saturday. I did not make any commitments to anyone – it was MY time. If I wanted to sleep late, I would. If I wanted to get up early and take a walk, I would. I could go to the park or the movies impulsively – just on a whim. [Yes, if you have kids you can still do this. Kids LOVE unstructured play. In fact, they’ll teach you how – follow their lead.]

The idea is that you need UNSTRUCTURED time to find yourself again. To find your strength and creativity – to let your soul out so it can stretch and climb and soar.

I challenge you to try this. Try it every weekend in July and see how much you enjoy the benefits. You might even be willing to sacrifice “normal” scheduled activities for this. You might be willing to get off the treadmill of doing MORE and instead enjoy the benefits of just BEING. [DO less, BE more.]

Let me know how it goes – I’d like to hear what you tried and how it worked for you. Everybody’s different – find your own rhythm. You owe it to yourself and those you love.

You’ll be a better person if you’ll take time to play on a regular basis.

Does Familiarity Breed Contempt? You choose

This week during the Couples Workshop we discussed the cliché, “Familiarity breeds contempt”. Unfortunately, this is often true when it comes to long-term romantic relationships. They start out full of excitement and energy, but after a while couples can fall into the rut of contempt. Getting to know someone very well in the day-to-day challenges of life can cause you to start noticing all the little things about them that annoy you. If you are not careful, you can allow this annoyance to turn into disrespect. Disrespect, if nurtured by further disappointment and negative thinking, can become full-blown contempt. Once a couple reaches the stage of mutual disrespect and contempt, it is very hard to save the relationship.

What can you do?

You spent a lot of time and energy finding your partner – it’s worth it to invest in keeping the relationship healthy and full of life! The secret is – you get to CHOOSE whether you allow your heart to cultivate contempt or not. Isn’t that surprising? YOU are the only one who determines whether or not you will allow familiarity to breed contempt. It doesn’t have to – it can actually breed the opposite: Admiration and Intimacy.

Action step: If you notice yourself thinking a lot of negative thoughts about the one you love, stop and reconsider. YOU get to choose your own thoughts. Separate in your mind the behavior from the person – too often we jump to conclusions about WHY a person does what they do. You really don’t know and when you jump to conclusions, you tend to pass judgment on them. Don’t do that! Give them the benefit of the doubt – treat them as you would want to be treated. Assume the best, not the worst. Practice gratitude – daily think of things you are grateful for that your partner does. Make a point of telling them what you are grateful for – a partner that feels loved and appreciated will have greater respect and gratitude for YOU. See how that works? You treat them the way you want to be treated and you reap the positivity that you’ve given them. This cultivates intimacy instead of contempt.


If you find yourself struggling with this, contact me. I can help you work through this issue and turn your relationship around! I have tools and techniques that help you “pull your weeds” and plant better seeds to that you can enjoy the fruit of your garden. Having someone help you with this makes it much easier and the work goes much faster!

Are you Faithful?

Faithfulness is one of the fruit of the Spirit. Are you faithful? What does it mean to be faithful?

I was pondering this the other day. Faithfulness can be seen in many ways. It requires honesty and consistency. Faithfulness is an aspect of commitment. When you are faithful, people view you as trustworthy and reliable. Those are really good traits to be known for!

Faithfulness in Marriage
Here’s some examples of faithfulness as it applies in marriage or a committed partnership.

  • I will not speak about my partner in a disrespectful or unkind way when I am with others. I will also not allow others to speak about him/her that way in my presence.
  • I will reserve intimacy for him/her alone. I will not be involved with someone else in an intimate way emotionally, physically or spiritually. If I see an attractive person, I will not allow my eyes or mind to linger on them. I will guard my affections and my spouse will always be FIRST in my mind and heart.

Faithfulness in Friendship
When you demonstrate faithfulness in friendships, the principles are similar. You guard your connection with that friend and you don’t allow disrespectful or unkind things to be said about them. That doesn’t mean you ignore their negative traits (we all have them!), but the way you speak about them is still respectful and kind – the same way you would want someone to talk about you. When they need your support, you are there for them.

Faithfulness on the Job
Faithfulness as a worker can really help you to be promoted in your business or industry. Managers appreciate those that do what they say they are going to do and do it consistently. They know who they can rely on and those will be the ones who move forward in their career. Even in personal pursuits like playing an instrument, learning a new language or craft, faithfulness really pays off. The more you stick to something, the sooner you see the rewards of your labor.

Who is Faithful to you?
Think of 1 or 2 people who personify “Faithfulness” to you. Pay attention to what they do that gives you the impression that you can count on them. Then begin to act in similar ways.

Faithfulness is a quiet, behind-the-scenes quality that

doesn’t draw a lot of attention,

but in the long run it has GREAT rewards. 

Its fruit is very sweet both for you and for others.

faithfulness fruit

Start growing some today!

Happy Holidays or … Not?

A lot of people LOVE this time of year – all the pretty decorations and holiday parties to attend where you can feast in a festive atmosphere among friends, coworkers or family.

However, most of us have a few challenges during this season. Our holidays may not all be happy – there’s the mounting bills created during this month, travel plans, endless shopping, decorating and cooking. Being invited to parties sounds wonderful until you are trying to balance 2-3 events, often occurring in the same week.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed – there’s so much to DO, to SEE and to experience. We want to make this year memorable with special events – don’t we try to do that every year? I know I do.

So how do you keep your “Happy” in the holiday season?

Pace yourself – take it easy. Pay attention to signs from your body that you need a break. Here’s a clue: If you’d rather go take a nap than go to an event, do it. Take a nap. That will give you more focus and energy for the days ahead – believe me, you’re gonna need it. 🙂

Drop the guilt – people often tell me how guilty they feel if they turn down an invitation from a friend or family member during the holiday season. The point of the holidays is LOVE, not guilt. No one who really loves you wants you to feel guilty if you don’t come to their event. If they give you a guilt trip, that’s NOT LOVE, that’s manipulation. The ones who love you will understand. Really. Trust me on this. Go see them AFTER the holidays – you’ll probably have better quality time with them that way.

Remember the joy – I make a point of pacing myself during the holidays so that I can remember the joy of the season. What’s the point if the holidays just bring stress? I don’t need more of that in my life. What I need is JOY – so I make time for it. Simple things like: If I see beautiful lights on someone’s house, I pause and really take it in, letting the colors and designs delight me. When I’m having my favorite hot drink, I pause, close my eyes and savor the warm, steamy scent wafting from my cup before I take a slow sip, allowing myself to embrace the flavor and the moment. These are just simple examples of taking time for joy in everyday life – you can apply this to many of your holiday experiences.

The point? Be fully present to enjoy the “Present” of the moment.

Remember to take care of you – both physically through getting enough sleep and nourishment and emotionally, through monitoring your stress levels. As I’ve learned to practice these steps, I’ve begun to enjoy the holidays instead of dreading them. You can too.


Many people will be making New Year’s Resolutions in a few weeks. Having a Life Coach can really help you beat the odds so that you actually achieve your resolutions instead of giving up on them! Give me a call – let’s set a date to go over your hopes and dreams for the New Year. I also offer Gift Certificates if there’s someone to whom you’d like to give the gift of Life Coaching – send me an email for details.  Phone: 305-781-6229, destiny.journey@gmail.com

 

Spirituality – Does It Matter?

Does being “spiritual” matter in daily life? Does it make any impact on whether you are happy and successful? Yes, it does! Research shows over and over that if you cultivate a warm, loving connection with the Divine and with a community of like-minded people, it makes a HUGE difference in the quality of your life.

One primary difference is in your mindset and emotional state. Feeling connected to something “bigger” than you gives your life a sense of meaning. You don’t feel so alone or isolated anymore. It also gives you hope if you believe things happen for a reason. When things don’t go your way, you are able to let go of the disappointment much faster when you accept that Someone is in control and working out an unseen plan.

I often encourage my clients to connect with the Spirit of Truth. I have learned from personal experience how powerful this is! The Spirit of Truth reveals Reality to you – you see things clearly in your life and in your relationships. This allows you to make better, wiser decisions. It reduces your confusion, discouragement and gives you a sense of direction and purpose. I love the Spirit of Truth! [Exercises for connecting with the Spirit of Truth are in my books.]

I also make sure I am connected with my spirit daily. I practice “breathing with God”. It helps me to stay grounded. I posted this earlier this year. Here’s the link – it’s a great practice for the month of November when we are focused on being grateful. Do you know that if you practice being grateful for 21 days it changes the way your brain is wired? It helps you to become a more positive person. Try it out!

Being spiritual and cultivating a close connection with the Divine DOES matter.People who do it are happier and have a sense of purpose. Some of my clients have asked me to help them cultivate their spirituality – I love to do this! It’s one of my favorite things – so please, don’t hesitate to ask me about it. I have been a spiritual seeker since I was very young so I have many years of experience. I love to help people discover the spiritual connection that will enable them to be happy and fulfilled.

I can’t imagine life without spirituality, can you? It’s like the difference between watching an old black and white movie versus a movie in color on HDTV. You owe it to yourself to try it out – you won’t believe the BIG difference it makes. [By the way, don’t confuse religion with spirituality. Some people have tried “church” or other religious rituals and have come away feeling empty and disappointed. If that’s your only experience of “spirituality”, then let me encourage you – there’s something much more than that! Contact me and I’ll explain – 305-781-6229 or destiny.journey@gmail.com]

False Evidence Appearing Real

Anxiety – we have all felt this before. It can be mildly annoying or downright paralyzing. The underlying emotion behind anxiety is fear, though many people are not consciously aware of it. I think of Anxiety as “Fear without Focus”. It’s a general feeling of being unsettled, of not feeling confident or secure.

One way to combat anxiety is to acknowledge and confront the fear behind it. Next time you feel anxious, say this statement to yourself, “I’m afraid that ….” You’ll be surprised at how many things come to mind. For instance, before a job interview – I’m afraid that I won’t get the job, I’m afraid they’ll ask me something and I won’t know what to say, I’m afraid I won’t make a good impression, I’m afraid of being rejected, etc. Try it the next time you feel anxious – it will help you identify the fear.

Q37 Look for Proof

False Evidence Appearing Real

FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Very often our fears are based on something that is not entirely true. Our mind jumps to the conclusion that something will go wrong so we become anxious. Once you have identified your fear, then look for proof. Very often you cannot prove that your fear will happen – in fact, most of what we worry about NEVER happens. It’s a waste of mental and emotional energy – it’s very distracting and it saps your creativity.

Instead, turn the statements around and say the opposite of your fears. For instance, before a job interview – I might be offered this job, but if not, then it wasn’t the right job for me. The right job will come at the right time. If I don’t know what to say, I’ll take a minute to compose my thoughts. Something will come to me. I’ll make a good impression because I’ve prepared for this interview – I’m skilled and I can add value to this company. If I don’t get this job, it doesn’t mean I’m being rejected – it’s just business, it’s not personal.

When you speak the TRUTH to your Fears, the anxiety literally vanishes! You can feel it drain from your body and your adrenalin reduces. Take a few deep breaths slowly and hold your breath while you count to 5. This increases the amount of oxygen in your system and your mind will begin to clear. When we get anxious, we tend to take shallow breaths which then makes our thinking a little foggy, which leads to more anxiety. Take a deep breath, speak the Truth to your Fears and watch Anxiety run away!

By the way, it might feel like a battle the first time you try this. Our minds are used to jumping to negative conclusions. It takes some practice to learn how to slow down and speak the truth to yourself. Practice every time you feel a little anxious. It will really help when you need it most – I promise! It gets easier – your brain learns to do this process almost automatically after a while.

If you’d like some help learning how to do this, please contact me. I’d love to help you! I have spent years learning how to cultivate peace and now it is my standard operating environment. In fact, I am known for the peace I carry – people say they can literally feel it in my presence and hear it in my voice. It’s worth it to learn how to dissipate anxiety and fear so you can enjoy peace too – I’ll show you how! 🙂

Trust the Little Voice Inside

woman-decision

The other day I was trying to make a decision. I had several options to choose from. I could do A, B or C. Option A looked good and reasonable. Option B was an alternate choice – still good, but maybe not the best. Option C kind of made me nervous because I wasn’t sure of how it might turn out, but it looked like a good choice. All 3 were “equal” – none of them were “bad choices”. They each had their pros and cons – it was hard to decide.

What do you do in situations like that? As a coach is I listen to people as they try to make good, wise decisions for themselves and their family. Should they stay in their current job or move to a different company? Should they keep the kids in their current school or look for a different one? Should they stay in this relationship or should they withdraw? Sometimes it’s hard to pick the best choice. How do you know what’s best?

Trust the Little Voice Inside

I teach my clients to trust the little voice inside their hearts or trust their “gut”. Some people refer to this as an inner knowing or a sense of which decision is the best one. Or sometimes it’s the opposite – you get a “bad feeling” about one of the choices and you know that’s not the one you should take.

I’ve taught this concept many times and whenever I ask, “Have you ever ignored that “little voice inside” and later discovered you should have listened?” People always say, “Yes!” and they usually have a story to tell where following that little voice would have saved them a lot of grief, heartache or money. If only they had listened!

Action step: That little voice is there to guide you. It really does keep you out of trouble. The more you listen to it, the more direction and clarity you get from it. I don’t claim to know how it works exactly – some say it is your “conscience”, some say it is God’s Spirit, some say it is your “higher self” or an angel. I don’t care what you call it – just listen to it when you know you should and it will help you. [One caveat: Not every little voice in your head should be followed. Notice I said to trust the voice in your heart, not your head. There’s a difference. If you need help figuring that out, contact me.]

I have an exercise that can help strengthen your ability to listen to your “gut”. It’s on my blog: How to Practice Listening to Your Gut

If you need an objective sounding board to help you figure out the best decision to make, contact me. I’d love to help you.

Are You Inside Out?

Are You Inside Out?

If you haven’t seen the new animation by Disney called Inside Out, I highly recommend that you watch it. It has some terrific lessons about managing our emotions. You’ll laugh, you may cry and you’ll nod in understanding. The writers did a great job of capturing what it is like to be human.

The primary theme of the movie is that we need ALL our emotions, not just the positive ones. We live in a society that pressures us to “have it all together” which somehow means being happy, successful and never showing sadness, fear or anger publicly. Why? Who decided this standard? Why do we resist expressing negative emotions – does this standard imply they are invalid? Certainly not!

It’s important to validate your emotions – it’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to be afraid. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. We can spend so much energy ignoring or pushing down our emotions that it wears us out emotionally. I’ve heard people say, “I’m just so tired.” They are tired of pretending everything is okay. Why not try a different route? VALIDATION

Action step: Give yourself permission to feel your emotions. If they come up in a place where you don’t want to express them (i.e. at work), then give yourself a chance to express them later. Make a point of telling yourself, “It’s okay to be sad.” (or angry or fearful or whatever emotion you may be feeling). Express the emotion and then let it go. Don’t wallow in it until it consumes you. Find the truth in what you are feeling – are you angry because you experienced something unjust? Are you sad because someone disappointed you? Putting words to what you are experiencing can help you get a handle on what to do, if anything, about the situation that caused your emotional reaction. Validating your right to feel your emotions is very freeing and powerful. I challenge you to try it for yourself – let me know how it goes!

Emotional Freedom

Emotional Freedom is my specialty – I’m a Freedom Coach. I help people learn how to manage their emotions and clear out any blocked feelings. Sometimes you can feel “stuck” emotionally – I can help you get unstuck. For years I felt overwhelmed by negative emotions and I didn’t know what to do. I spent a lot of time and money finding answers. Now I have LOTS of Peace and Joy. I’ve learned how to manage fear, anger and disappointment so that they don’t rule my life anymore. If you’d like to learn how to do this, I would love to help you. It’s so much easier to learn this when you have a coach by your side, helping you grow and understand what is happening inside of you. You don’t have to do it alone – I’ll help you! Call me 305-781-6229 or email me at swalker@destinysfreedom.com.

Abundance or Lack?

Abundance vs Scarcity

What are YOU thinking about today?

This poster really caught my eye. Your mindset determines how you view the world and what you expect to happen to you. This is very important to pay attention to – which one describes you?

Abundance mindset
Have a sense of gratitude
Compliments others
Forgives others
Reads every day & talks about ideas
Wants others to succeed
Sets goals and knows who they want to be
Exudes joy

Scarcity mindset
Have a sense of entitlement
Criticizes others
Holds grudges
Watches TV every day & talks about people
Hopes that others fail
Does not set goals and does not know who they want to be
Exudes anger/anxiety

Do you realize each item on this list is a CHOICE? People tend to think of themselves as the victim of their circumstances or other people’s choices, but in reality we get to CHOOSE what to do with what life hands us. We can cry about how sour life is or we can make lemonade from the lemons we are handed. The choice is ours to make.

Action step: Choose 1 item from the Scarcity mindset that sounds like you (there’s probably at least 1 that you fall into from time to time … or daily). Look for the opposite characteristic in the Abundance mindset. [There are more on the poster than just the ones I listed above. Pinch the screen to enlarge it.] Determine that from now on you will make a different CHOICE. You will choose to BE a different person … it’s all based on your choices, you know. You get to CHOOSE who you will BE – did you know that? No one can MAKE you be the person with the Scarcity mindset just as no one can MAKE you think like the Abundance mindset. It’s completely up to YOU.

You get to CHOOSE who you will BE – did you know that?

Go BE amazing!! I believe you can do it!!

Call me if you need help – I’ll cheer you on.  305-781-6229 or swalker@destinyfreedom.com

Are you really in control?

Take a minute and quickly list 5 things you are in complete control of in your life. No, really – just do it. What comes to mind?

My job – are you in control of how much money you make? who you work with? the amount of time you spend working? whether or not you work there?

My time – did you control what time you got up this morning? how much time you spent in traffic? whether or not you took time to brush your teeth?

My family – are you in control of the choices your children make? how about your spouse’s actions? your parents, siblings or in-laws’ behavior?

The reason I am asking you to list things over which you have complete control is to help you see that VERY LITTLE is really under your control. This is actually GOOD news! Why? Because you are not responsible for things over which you have no control. Did you know that? It makes sense when you think about it. You can only be held responsible for things over which you have control.

Why do we spend so much time worrying about things over which we don’t have control?

 

mind-and-thoughts

Action step: You can reduce your stress significantly by asking yourself this question whenever you find yourself worrying or thinking about something over and over: What do I actually have control over in this situation? Then focus on the choices YOU can make – the ones you have control over. The rest of it – let it GO! Worrying saps your mental and emotional strength. Focusing on what you CAN control is empowering and gives you peace.

Here are some things you can control:

  • how you use your free time
  • what you allow your mind to focus on
  • how you respond to others
  • the words that come out of your mouth
  • your attitude (yes, that’s a choice, believe it or not)
  • your values and how that drives your behavior

Many of my clients experience a significant shift in their level of stress when they practice this little exercise regularly. Stop and assess each situation and then choose to put your energy where it can best be used – on YOU.

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